|Introduction -- I wanna rape myself.
||[Nov. 7th, 2007|01:12 pm]
Well, according to my friends, especially this one (theone, as she calls herself), I talk about poop a lot. And somehow I manage to find humor in poop talk, especially the use of the word "poop." "Doodie" is another good one. I don't like poop itself; in fact, I despise it. I'm not a fecaphiliac or anything. Maybe a coprophiliac. See, the difference is that I don't have a fetish for poop. I don't get any sexual pleasure from poop itself or from talking about it. But I'm incredibly amused by it. I like poop jokes. More than that, I like talking about poop so that it grosses people out, and then their disgust amuses me. But if they are also amused, this pleases me as well.|
I also happen to be a very attractive, young female. So I think that makes my crudeness all the more humorous. I like to see just how sickening I can be and still be considered hot. Any time a guy hits on me, I tell him about my bowel movements of that day or any other day, or the sickest one of which I can think off the top of my head. And it's never made anyone stop wanting me! I'm not sure which is more fun: doing it to guys that I do find attractive and just want to test, or doing it to guys that I'm really trying to get to lose interest in me.
I have the best poop stories. I have irritable bowel syndrome! I think this is why I started talking about poop so much. But I have all kinds of crazy amazing poop stories, because my digestive organs don't work properly. I'll end this post with some examples.
I also take pictures of my poops sometimes, and I need a good place to post them on the internet. And I want to hear other people's poop stories and poop jokes, mostly so that I can steal them.
So how about this. I have chronic constipation problems. I shit like once a week. I'm 23, and I have hemorrhoids from straining so much. Even when I get liquid diarrhea poop, I have to strain to get it out. My sphincter simply will not relax. Nevertheless, I've tried anal sex. That was as unpleasant as one would expect, if not more so.
Usually, my turds are hard pellets, and I have to stick my finger(s) up my asshole to pry them out. Sometimes I spend a couple hours on the toilet screaming out in pain. I call for my poor boyfriend to bring me some rubber gloves and cigarettes and lube. I've had to leave people's houses mid-shit, because they were calling 911 since I was moaning so much.
And I've got plenty more! So, yay, a poop talk community! Hate me, nerdos! I'm nasty, and I love it. Also, I don't shower much.